Stressed about Love? :: Advice, Solutions, Escapism
Love on the Internet by Colleen Moulding :: online dating advice ::
advice, solutions, escapism

Love on the Internet

Results: Good and Bad
Chat Room Checklist

Results: Good and Bad top

Margaret, 38, a divorcee from Hereford was shown how to use the Internet by her teenage daughter. She met Alan, 44, a chemist from New York in a gardening chat room.

"He asked me a question about Albertine roses," laughed Margaret. "We chatted quite often after that, mainly about our gardens at first. Then Alan sent some photos of his garden with him in it, and I straight away thought how handsome he was.

I sent photos back, half thinking that I wouldn't hear from him again, but the e-mails kept on coming and one day after we'd been corresponding for about nine months Alan got the chance to come to England on business. We met up in London last November and we got on really well together. I'm going to see him in New York in two months time, so who knows what will come of it?"

Lizzie Bell was only sixteen when she started chatting to Mark on the Internet and found that they didn't live far apart from each other in North London. They even knew some of the same people! After chatting every day for about a month Mark suggested that they meet in a cafe one Saturday morning.

"We decided to both carry a copy of a certain computer magazine," said Mark, "but I knew she was the one the minute she walked in the door." "I had already told him what I looked like anyway," said Lizzie, "and I made sure I liked the look of him before I got my magazine out of my bag."

Over a year later Lizzie and Mark are still together and planning an engagement on Lizzie's eighteenth birthday.

Things don't always work out quite so well though as Rebecca 42, from Leeds found out.

Rebecca joined an Internet dating service. When she first met William he seemed like her ideal man, smart, handsome and sophisticated. At first they had a good time together with trips to the theatre and the races, even a weekend in Paris, until Rebecca began to suspect his motives.

William was increasingly "just a little short of cash" until a business deal went through. Eventually Rebecca realized that the deal he was waiting for was marrying her for her not inconsiderable money. "I later found out this was not the first time he'd tried it either" said a disillusioned Rebecca.

There certainly are precautions you must take to keep yourself safe if you intend to meet people in this way.

Chat Room Checklist top

For a start please don't believe everything you're told. He or she may be a company director with a big house and a company car, on the other hand they may be on benefit and up to their eyes in debt. If someone sounds too good to be true - they probably are!

Don't reveal too much about yourself. Use an alias or a nickname, this is quite common practice, and don't reveal too much about your physical whereabouts either, especially if you live alone or in an isolated place. There are con artists who target the lonely and will think their ship has come in if yougive out this sort of information.

Be aware that if you put your photograph on the Internet anyone can right click on their mouse and put that picture anywhere that they like in any context. Also consider whenlooking at photos of others that many people put on photographsthat are years out of date when they were slimmer, younger, had hair etc.

Don't even think about giving out your telephone number under any circumstances. Call the other person from a public telephone, or dial 141 before you call them and they can't get your number by dialling 1471. (UK)

Use your common sense. It's easy in the heat of the moment to give away details about yourself that you would never usually reveal to a stranger.

Take your time and don't be rushed into meeting, especially if you have any doubts at all about someone. On the other hand if you get to know someone and they are strangely coy about meeting up perhaps they are already married, or ten years older or younger than they have told you. Beware of men or women who "love" you within days, they almost definitely have an ulterior motive.

When you do decide to meet, take the same precautions over yourpersonal safety that you would with any stranger. Meet in a publicplace, tell someone where you are going and with whom, keep your house and car keys with you at all times, be careful about your drink being spiked and take a taxi home so that your date doesn't know your home address.

Love and friendship have blossomed on the Internet for many people who might otherwise never have met, for whom the computer cursor became Cupid's arrow, just be careful and look after yourself.

© Colleen Moulding 1999

Colleen Moulding is a freelance writer living in the south of England. She is also the owner/editor of All That Women a magazine, web guide and resource for women everywhere. You have permission to reprint this article in your newsletter or on your web site provided that this information is included and you send an e-mail to telling us where it will be used.

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